Irrefutable Laws of the Universe

In the last few days, I've noticed some truths about the workings of things.

1. There is a great law of the universe upon which everything ocular is based. Is called the Law of the Lenses, and it goes something like this:

The number of lens wearers in a given family must remain constant.

If I'd have known this law, then I wouldn't have been surprised when, three days after my husband first woke up with perfect vision sans lenses, the doctor told me that my daughter totally failed her vision test at her 7 year checkup.

2. For those of you who don't know, I've started working at the elementary school as an aide. It's nice! I've quite enjoyed it. And, I get to spend an hour and a half of my work day smiling up at the sun. (Not literally, of course. I've learned my lesson.) And, on a side note: It isn't so easy to adjust to having 25 less hours in a week when you already didn't feel like you had enough. Hence the lack of blogging, folded clothes, and vacuumed floors.

During this time of outdoor play, I've discovered another of the great truths of the universe. It has shown itself to me many times during this WAY-colder-than-it-had-any-right-to-be weather. I'm going to call it The Truth of the Chill. Here's it's definition:

The amount of cold in the air felt by a child is directly proportional to the age of said child.

Here's how it goes. The sun stops shining. There's moisture in the air. The wind blows. The wind blows moisture ridden air. That moisture ridden air bites into everything in its path.

First and second graders come outside. About 40 kids come to me to zip up coats. A few others are too shy/cool to ask, but always let me zip when I ask. They jump up and down and run around to stay warm. They curse forgetting to bring gloves. And a hat. And snow boots. And a jacket to wear under their coats. And snow pants. They come get hugs just to stay warm. Then they go inside.

Third and fourth graders come outside. They are wearing coats. Unzipped coats. I know better than to offer to zip. Occasionally, I suggest they zip. They say they aren't cold. Or that they like the wind blowing in their unzipped coat. It makes them feel as though they can fly. They run around and stay warm. Then they go inside.

Fifth and sixth graders come outside. They are wearing jackets. Some of them. The others aren't wearing jackets or coats. Some are wearing short sleeved t shirts. Some are even wearing shorts. Sometimes I ask where their coats are. They say in the classroom. I say (with a hint of suggestion in my voice) that tomorrow will be just as cold. Tomorrow their coat remains in the classroom. They walk around and talk. They say they aren't cold. They don't appear to be cold. They go inside.

Meanwhile, I freeze! I think this law reverses itself somewhere around age twenty.

3. This law is a fairly new one in the history of existence. Forty-three years ago, this law was just a concept a group of people hoped would become a law. I like to call it:

Star Trek Will Never Die

I recently overheard a playground conversation. I was alerted to this conversation when I heard yelled the phrase "Resistance is futile!!" I smiled and ambled a little closer. The conversation was a comparison between two creations-- Star Trek and Halo. (Until this point, I wasn't aware that those two entities could effectively be compared.) Kids were taking sides as to who would win out of the two in a battle. "Dude" was said with every sentence. Each kid was passionately explaining why his theory was the correct one. Eventually, one kid who had been quietly listening says, "Dude! I don't even know what Star Trek is!" Silence from the others. And then, he was indoctrinated. None of the shows even have to be on tv anymore. People will still talk about it. People will debate about it. People will create space missions about it. Newcomers will be taught. People will always know about Klingons and Cardassians and Borg and Vulcans.* They will know about warp drives and transporters and replicators. It will never die. A thousand years from now, I expect it will still be the same.

*Side note: As further proof, the speller did NOT show Klingons, Cardassians, Borg, or Vulcans as misspelled words. They are so a part of our culture that they are in the DICTIONARY!!